The short answer is that you need to consciously take some risks in your relationship. The risks are going to involve finding ways to open the arousal and desire for each other again.
BTW – having an erotic aspect to your relationship means that you have sex regularly, you explore sexually together and that you both feel that your sexual needs are being more than satisfactorily met.
Ironically, the longer a couple is together, the less safe it feels for them to discuss and explore sexually.
We are scared to say what we really feel and what we really want.
There are two parts to our intimate relationships: the companionship part and the erotic part. Companionship has to do with the day to day, tasks, chores, taking care of the kids. Then there is the erotic part which has to do with arousal, desire, intimacy and most importantly sex.
If you have been together for a while, chances are the erotic side is lower on the scale. This can mean you are now looking at each other through different lenses than when you first met. Yes you love each other but you feel like you are not “in love” and you are certainly not growing sexually.
Stand back and really look at your partner.
There is likely a whole curious world of sexual fantasy and imagination going on that you are not privy to. Look at them like a sexual being, like someone you want and crave again. You know that you are hiding all sorts of imaginings, fantasies, possibly indiscretions and know that they are doing the same with you.
You are both wanting the erotic back. You are both needing the erotic back. If you are not going to allow it in the relationship, that erotic sexual energy is going to go somewhere. It has to go somewhere.
Which risk do you want to take?
The risk of staying as you are:
-Staying in an erotic-less relationship with no growth or deepening of intimacy and sexuality.
-Waiting for that erotic energy to either completely fizzle out or find somewhere else to go.
Or the risk of opening up to your partner:
-Overcome your fear and make some shifts in your relationship.
-Bring back the eroticism so that the sexual energy becomes part of your lives again.
This is where sex coaching can help direct you as an individual and as a couple. You need to bring back some connection, desire, and intimacy into your relationship. You need to start to want each other again on a visceral level.
How a couple goes about this is unique for each couple and if you are not able to break free from where you are, a few sessions with me could help get you on your way.
Also check out some
on bringing back eroticism.