There are three points I would like to bring up.
Are you the kind of person YOU would like to have sex with?
Ask yourself these questions.
Are you initiating sex?
Are you acting sexually?
Is your sexual energy moving through your body so that your partner can feel attracted to you?
Are you acting attracted to your partner and feeling desirous of him or her?
Are you coming up with some interesting things you can do so that two of you can have a good time together?
Are you feeling sexual within yourself?
Are you communicating what YOU want sexually?
If you are finding yourself answering NO to many of these questions, then you have some work to do. Begin by really thinking about how you can bring yourself back into creating the kind of relationship you want.
Often we blame the other for what is going on in our sex life. “We are not having sex, we are not even touching each other, we are barely even kissing each other and when we do kiss its just a little peck barely feeling anything.”
Look at how you fit in to this dance. “I am not telling him how much I love him. I am not giving him many compliments. I am not looking sexy so that I feel sexual within my body.”
The first small step you can start to explore is becoming the person you yourself would like to have sex with. You want to get turned on by you!
Are you still having the same kind of sex when you first met?
If you have been together for over 5 years and you are still having the same kind of sex that you have had since the beginning of your relationship, then its time to change things up. In a long term relationship, changes in your sex life are necessary. You can not have sex the same way, in the same place, for the rest of your lives. You have to do something different.
This is where you can allow your creativity juices to flow. Yes, being creative in your sex life! Where does that creativity stem from? Open yourself to your desires and your fantasies. Maybe you decide to encorporate roleplay games into your sex life. Maybe you start discussing and sharing different sexual fantasies and then playing them out together. Maybe you set up an appointment with a Sex Coach for a couple of sessions and get some ideas that resonate with both of your desires.
Having sex the same way can become boring after a while. Change is required. You are not going to wear the same underwear throughout your entire relationship. You are going to buy new fresh underwear to feel fresh, to feel good, to feel alive and to feel sexy.
Do you talk about sex with your partner?
Please check out my last video, “How do I Talk to My Partner About Trying New Things”.
Sex has many different levels, it is not just about the physical contact. The use of sexy talk as foreplay can help get the juices stirring again.
In order to come up with some creative sexy, titilating shares to your partner, think about expressing yourself around these 5 points.
Express how great they look to you.
Express how amazing they smell.
Express how turned on you get by their touch.
Express to them what you would like to do to them.
Express positively how you are feeling about them.
What can you do to make change based on these three points?
Create an action for yourself that is different than what you have done up to this point. As you open yourself to some small shifts in how you approach your sex life, you will begin to feel it come alive again!
The exploration never ends.
Every week I will have a video posted to answer one of your questions at The Sex Discovery Channel with Lianna Walden.
Please send your questions along through email at firstname.lastname@example.org.