There are three pointers I would like to bring up.
Are you the kind of person you would like to have sex with?
When I say this, it is about really looking at yourself. Ask yourself some questions.
Are you initiating sex?
Are you acting sexually?
Is your sexual energy moving through your body so that your partner can feel attracted to you?
Are you acting attracted to your partner and feeling desirous of him or her?
Are you coming up with some interesting things you can do so that two of you can have a good time together?
Are you feeling sexual within yourself?
If you are not then all of these above questions need to be considered and worked upon. All of these aspects of yourself start to look at in more detail.
We are not having sex, we are not even touching each other, we are not even kissing each other barely and certainly when we do kiss. (from the female perspective) When I do kiss him its just a little peck and I am barely feel anything. I am not telling him how much I love him. I am not giving him many compliments. I am not looking sexy so that I feel sexual within my body.
Start looking at yourself and becoming the person you yourself would like to have sex with. You want to get turned on by you!
Are you still having the same kind of sex when you first met?
If you have been together for over 5 years and you are still having the same kind of sex that you have had since the beginning of your relationship, then its time to change things up. You need to make changes in your sex life. You can not have sex the same way in the same place for the rest of your lives. You have to do something different. Whether that means having sex in a different place or doing different kind of things. Be creative. Maybe playing roleplay games if that turns you on. Maybe you start talking about different fantasies you have and playing out those. Maybe you see a Sex Coach for a couple of session and get some ideas about what you can do to change things up.
It gets boring after a while. We need to have change. You are not going to wear the same underwear throughout your entire relationship. You are going to buy new fresh underwear to feel alive, to feel good, to feel sexy, to have that change.
Do you talk about sex with your partner?
Please check out my last video, “How do I Talk to My Partner About Trying New Things”.
There are lots of ways you can start to talk to your partner, before, after or when you are having sex. There are lots ways you can use dialogue, use conversation, use talk that is much more sexy to get the juices stirring again.
Sex has many different levels, it is not just about the physical contact. You need to incorporate vocal which includes talking about you are feeling. You need to incorporate the visual, the sound, some smell. What the feeling of the room is. Try to create a multi-level, multi-dimensional experience. Start with the talking.
What are you talking about when you have sex? Start talking more about sex, start talking more when you are having sex.
Really look at these 3 things that I am sharing with you and see if these are things that you are doing in your relationship.
How can you incorporate in your relationship what I am suggesting?
Every week I will have a video posted to answer one of your questions at The Sex Discovery Channel with Lianna Walden.
Please send your questions along through email at email@example.com.