How do I talk to my partner about trying new things?


Transcribed below

Communication is a big thing when it comes to sex. It is an area many of us have problems with, we feel inhibited, scared, are not sure what to say, we don’t want to sound corny.

Nobody knows how you feel inside, what is going to stimulate you or what gets you excited.

The only way for the other person to find out is if you tell them, directly, specifically, exactly.

Talking to your partner about doing new things is a further step from do you talk to your partner about sex, in general? If you don’t, I am going to give you some ways to get started!

You want to get some sexual energy moving between the two of you.

So start with talking about sex when you are both in the mood and you are relaxed.

Here are three steps you can start to open up conversation about sex with your partner.

  1. Talk about when you first lost your virginity.

    This is a good first opening conversational piece; a coming of age story that you can share.

  2. Talk about other sexual experiences they have had in the past.
    You can elaborate and get more specific with the hottest, the most fun and the most embarrassing experience. This gives you a chance to open up to some things you have previously enjoyed or not and to hear what your partner has to say for themselves as well.

  3. What fantasies do you have?

    Talk about sexual fantasies that you have thought about, not that you may or may not want to act out, just express to your partner the fantasies that have made you feel excited when you think of them.

These three steps help start conversation around sex. Talking starts moving sexual energy through your body, it gets communication about sex happening between you and opens that door to having conversations about other sexual things.

If you have already had these discussions as I mention above, the next phase would be to talk a lot more while you are having sex.

We are all worthy of pleasure. Nobody can read your mind so you need to express very specifically what it is you like, what youwant , what feels good, where you want to be touched and how you want to be touched. This conversation happens during sex.

Allow yourself to express what it is that you want and what you like. You can initiate this when you start to have sex, and I mean from kissing all the way to intercourse.

There are numbers of things you can say as you make your way through.

  1. Compliments

    This give your partner confidence and it shows how you adore them.

    Offer compliments about how your partner looks, smells and feels. Be generous with compliments, it also helps your partner relax into you.

  2. Verbalize the Sexual Experience

    -There are 2 parts here; what you are doing as you do it and what you want to do to them.

    Part 1 – Allow the verbal description of what you are doing to come out. You are having the sexual experience and you are verbalizing what you are doing.

    Part 2 – Tell your partner what you would like to do them, what will get them turned on. This brings another layer of excitement into the experience.

  1. Instruct What You Want Sexually

    Tell your partner exactly what you want, how you want it and where. Specifically during genital stimulation you have to tell your partner exactly what to do and what will feel good to you. You may want to show them with your own hand.

    This is the communication about how you want to be pleased by them.

    We need to relay this information to our partner so that they know what gets us excited and stimulated.

These are different ways you can start creating communication with your partner so that you start feeling more comfortable in talking about sex. Practicing talking during sex helps you feel more confident in expressing what you are feeling sexually and will the be easier for you to open the doors to further discussing about new sexual explorations.

PLEASE send me your questions and I will answer your question in the weeks that come up on the Sex Discovery Channel.

Keep in touch. There are also some great workshops coming up in the near future!

Much Love… making


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