No matter what you think or believe about older women hooking up with younger men, it is happening. Empowered female movie stars have been coming out for years about their younger lovers: Julianna Moore 35/Bart Freundlich 26, Robin Wright 48/Ben Foster 34, Joan Collins 78/Percy Gibson 46, Jeena Davis 58/Reza Jarrahy 43, Demi Moore 41/Ashton Kutcher 25, Cher had numerous lovers who were publicly known to be much younger. Women who have let go of being judged for their age are enjoying the company of younger men, and average middle-age women are making themselves known.
As women, we grow up with strong beliefs about who we are as sexual beings, how we should interact with men, how we must be as mothers and how to act as older women. Many of these beliefs create boundaries and walls around us. We are then unable to allow ourselves true expression of who we are as individual, unique people with personal needs and desires.
Myth #1 Older women need to act in appropriate ways for their age.
There is nothing we can do about aging, absolutely NOTHING. The more you deeply accept this, the better. Worrying, fretting, being depressed, criticizing, judging, comparing – none of this will help or change the fact you are going to get older.
Who are you at 50, 60, 70? How do you want to dress, feel, act? What type of things do you want to do? What kind of men are you attracted to? How do you want to express yourself sexually? All these are important questions to ask as one continues to transition in years.
I am almost 52. I am not acting like or even thinking about how a 52-year-old “should” act. Having never been 52 before, I really have no idea what to expect. All I can know is that I am a woman who wants passion, love, desire and sexual fulfillment.
Myth #2 Older women are not sexual beings, sexual experiences are for men and youth.
It is often portrayed that men with younger women is tolerated. It is pounded into us that men have higher sex drives, are more promiscuous and are less afraid of going for what they want. Women are demure, hold back sexually, and wait for the right one while avoiding those lecherous, perverted men. The idea that an older woman would have sexual desires is preposterous. Society believes this and women believe this.
Age may determine where you are biologically and physiologically, but it does not determine your youthfulness. This is determined by how you feel about yourself and the energy you radiate.
An older women who is not in touch with herself sexually will not radiate a sexual youthfulness. It is never too late to start, however. We are always connected to our sexual energy. Sometimes that energy is sleeping. The opportunity to awaken it is always there.
How does an older woman awaken herself sexually? It starts by throwing out all those negative ideas about who you are sexually as an older women, and begin to create your own personal expression. That expression spans from what you like to do with your free time, to what colour you want the kitchen to be painted, to where you go for walks, to what you like to do sexually. We are all individuals with our own personal and unique tastes. This is not the time to limit yourself. When you create limitations due to your age and how you want to express yourself, it is of your own doing.
As we open to reawakening our sexual energy, we will see things start to shift. This includes talking about sex, revealing what we want sexually, opening to learning and educating ourselves around sex, discovering different possibilities and allowing ourselves the freedom to feel sexy at any age. Our sexual exploration does not stop once we hit a certain age. It is a never-ending journey. If, as women, we can allow ourselves to continue exploring and experiencing throughout the years, we will keep discovering new orgasms, our bodies will flow with wondrous passion, and the love we feel will expand to places we never thought possible.
Myth #3 An older woman is considered a cradle robber or a cougar if she enjoys the company of younger men – cubs.
One of the biggest reasons we are held back from allowing that young man into our lives is our own judgments. There are people of all ages with whom you can have meaningful relationships – from toddlers to grannies. Every one of us is attracted by different energies in people. That energy is how we connect to someone with whom we feel a sexual attraction. The constraint we put on this attraction by age elicits all sorts of name calling and categorization. This is an irrational fear that holds no power – unless you allow it.
A mutual sexual energy pulls you as a woman to a man. This energy is mysterious and spontaneous. It hits you at inopportune moments. Finding someone who you can feel this with is difficult and unique enough, and if you were to then start judging the connections based around age, you could be pushing away potentially amazing possibilities.
Lyza just turned 51. She is an attractive woman, fit, healthy, full of wonderful free energy. She was in a marriage with an alcoholic for years. She finally separated, moved away on her own, started to get her life back…
Surprisingly to her, younger men were approaching her. With a daughter of 20 and a son at 24, these men approaching her were not much older. She found it amusing, at first, until, one day, she felt a strong immediate attraction towards a man in his late 20s. He wanted her and she wanted him but…
She was terrified about what her kids would think. She worried about what her co-workers may say? She did not understand why he would be attracted to her.
This was a loving, kind, open man who thought she was attractive, fascinating and sexy. All she could see was the age gap.
It took confidence to allow herself to be and do what she wanted. It took strength seeing her children as adults and to start treating them as such. It took courage to stand up for who she was.
Sometimes we reflect heavy judgment, insecurities or jealousies. You must lift our head high and know deeply within yourself that this is your life and you can do whatever you choose. When people see this and feel this from you, they have no choice but to accept you for who you are.
Myth #4 As women age, they become less desired by older and especially younger men.
Many young men are drawn to the idea of being with an older women, and many older women are attracted to younger man. Nothing is going to happen between anyone, however, until there is some kind of connection. For many men, age is less important that finding a women who finds him attractive; women who are engaging, women who can look at a man in the eye with desire, who flirt, who embrace who they are and who like to have sex.
First, be open to exploring intimacy and sex with any man, no matter the age. Be present. Be engaged.
Second, allow a connection. Speak to people you meet without judgment, as human beings, no matter their age or appearance.
Third, when you feel attracted to someone younger, and you are getting a mutual response from them, do not shy away. Allow the connection to take place without expectation. It may just be a flirt, it may turn into a coffee, a date or an affair.
Finally, tell yourself it is okay to express yourself in any way you desire. Others may judge, question, comment. Be strong. Know that you are a unique being and your tastes and attitudes are not those of anyone else.